I won’t be going to Europe this year …



… or anywhere exotic … or expensive … or requiring a passport … or airline connection … or any of the trappings I once considered myself so fortunate to be a part of.

My travel bucket list — at least for now — will have to wait until the Universe thinks I’ve learned the lessons She is trying to teach me by keeping me grounded.

Because being temporarily grounded may be frustrating, but it guarantees the safest passage to the final destination She planned when She deposited me where I find myself at this very moment.

You don’t have to travel far from home to embark on your greatest journey.  But that journey is the most difficult one of all — one most of us are too fearful to take …

A journey within. A journey that begins each time we take a breath.  The journey into the self.

Eighteen months ago, my life, my travels, and my dreams were forever changed.

Until then, I lived an amazing life, living the dreams Destiny had planned for my life partner and me.

Those dreams included trips to countries around the world that formed the foundation of memories that solidified our relationship. No destination was too close or too far.  We were always grateful for the ability to live the dream, realizing how blessed we were.  And we never took anything for granted.

But then, Destiny sent us a ticket to a journey so rough, the turbulence was unlike anything we had ever experienced.

First, my dad died.   Then our dog died.  Then we lost even more loved ones on both sides of our family.  Then my denial that my almost 90-year-old mom was slowing down hit me in the face so hard I began a downward spiral into self sabotage.

But despite the challenges, something deep down inside never changed.

Then I lost my job.

With that came The Shift.

I started focusing not on what I had lost, but on what I could never lose.

And despite my futile attempts to go back to the place I once felt so comfortable in, Destiny wouldn’t let me move forward until I came to terms with reality, and the peace that giving in to that reality would offer.

I’m a dreamer. Destiny is the realist who keeps me grounded.

It’s both a blessing and a curse.  But pretending reality doesn’t exist won’t exorcise the demons we refuse to face.

Denial is the first step to going nowhere.  And so, accepting the curse of reality as a blessing in disguise is the only choice to moving forward.

Change is the greatest catalyst to magic.

Magic …

… like paying attention to the “accidents” and “coincidences” that are arrows pointing us in the direction we’re meant to go.

I’ll be 59 soon.  (Holy bat poop Batman! How did that happen?)

An age that once seemed so old is now a springboard to possibilities so endless they make me giddy.

I choose to move forward, and to have faith that the Invisible Arms that have always been there to catch me will catch me again.

My friends, planning a trip abroad is easy.

But hotel suggestions in the depths of your soul aren’t found on Booking.com.  No airline is safe enough to fly there.  And the baggage you try to bring with you will never make it past security.

I won’t be going to Europe this year.

That’s because I’ll be continuing my journey to a destination I’ve been postponing far too long …

A journey to my purpose … my peace.

Will you come with me?

Author: Barb Besteni

I've been in a writer long enough to know that change is not only inevitable, it's what keeps us going. Don't fight it, don't fear it. Embrace it and have fun.

3 thoughts on “I won’t be going to Europe this year …”

  1. Deeply moved by your poignant words from your heart!
    Thank you Barb with love and blessings to you always and for your new journey.
    We will come with you….


  2. I can identify with so much of what you elequoenty described here. My last 18 months have been similarly difficult and a time of self discovery all at once. At times I’m so stressed I can’t breath and at other times breathing is so sweet. I can’t believe how much I am still learning about my self at (gulp) almost 59!


  3. You are on a journey that will end in wonderful things, I predict. My own “year of hell” came in 2010-11, and there were times I felt like the hole I was in was getting deeper while I tried to dig myself out. Six years later, I barely recognize the “me” I was then and my prospects, outlook and attitude have never been better. You’re FAR more evolved than I am, so I doubt it will take you as long … but give it all the time it needs. Rushing is anathema.

    Love you bunches!


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