When I think back at my life before I stopped drinking, I realize that much of what prevented me from stopping was the suggestion from well-meaning loved ones that I “needed to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.”

In my mind, however, AA was for alcoholics, and I didn’t label myself as one.

I still don’t. And I never will.

My first encounter with AA was back in college when I chose it as the theme for my year-end report for a journalism class. I remember attending an AA meeting and interviewing a friend who spoke to me on the promise of anonymity.

I remember coffee. Lots of coffee. And donuts. I remember two people carrying in a disheveled man who was so drunk he couldn’t stand on his own. I remember my friend turning to me, saying, “He keeps falling off the wagon, and his friends keep bringing him back.”

These visions appeared in my mind four decades later when those who thought I might be drinking too much suggested I “needed to go to AA.”

And while the visions scared me, the anonymous part of AA annoyed me. As a writer who considers my God-given talent for the written word a gift, I wanted more than anything else to shout my journey away from alcohol from the rooftops so that others could be inspired to quit.

Giving AA Another Try

Once I faced the fact that I was drinking too much for the wrong reasons, I attended a couple of AA meetings. The coffee and donuts were still there. I remember thinking, “Great idea; let’s replace the alcohol sugar addiction with an addiction to caffeine and donuts.”

The ‘lifers,’ the people who went to meetings to keep from drinking, were also still there. A few proudly accepted their medallions that marked the length of their sobriety.

Everyone was very compassionate and recognized me as a newbie. I was handed dozens of pamphlets and told that attending meetings several times a week would keep me away from the bottle. It was a lifetime commitment. It was the solution I’d been seeking. Or so I was told.

But attending a meeting several times a week for the rest of my life to keep me from drinking didn’t seem like much of a solution.

Now, this isn’t an AA-bashing article. AA does and has worked for millions of people. But it didn’t work for me.

What Is An Alcoholic?

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), an alcoholic is someone who suffers from alcohol use disorder (AUD). AUD is a chronic medical condition affecting the brain and making you unable to control your alcohol use despite negative consequences on your health, work, or social life.

Some of the symptoms of AUD include:

• Spending a lot of time obtaining, using, and recovering from alcohol use
• Being unable to reduce alcohol use, despite having the desire to do so
• Experiencing cravings or the strong desire to consume alcoholic drinks
• Needing to consume alcohol more frequently or in larger amounts to reach its desired effects
• Developing alcohol withdrawal symptoms when you stop drinking
• Giving up recreational, social, or occupational activities you enjoy in favor of alcohol
• Being unable to meet obligations at work, home, or school due to alcohol use
• Continuing to abuse alcohol, despite its adverse effects on your relationships and social life
• Drinking alcohol in physically dangerous situations, like driving or operating heavy machinery
• Continuing to drink alcohol, despite its consequences on your physical and mental health²

AUD can be classified into mild, moderate, or severe based on the number of symptoms present. If you have no more than one symptom, you may still have a drinking problem.

I’m not a doctor, but it is my understanding that an alcoholic is someone who is physically addicted to alcohol and cannot — and should not — stop on their own without medical intervention. Doing so could be life-threatening.

That wasn’t me.

How I Stopped

I could stop for weeks at a time with no physical consequences whatsoever. Most of that time, I didn’t need to drink … except when the triggers hit me.

The solution then was not only to stop drinking but to identify the triggers that led me to drink.

Identifying the triggers and realizing that the more I drank, the more I was triggered is what finally made sobriety stick for me.

I stopped cold turkey. That was more than four years ago. I stopped counting the days and have never gone back.

Do I miss it?

Not at all.

Friends can drink around me, and I can have alcohol in the house without wanting it. I go to bars and challenge the bartenders to surprise me with a creative mocktail. I have more fun knowing that the next day I will remember everything that happened, and will treasure the memories I created with those I love without a hangover hovering over them.

What about you?

If you have to grit your teeth to keep from drinking, you are only one trigger away from picking up the bottle.

Find the reason behind your drinking, and you’re 90 percent of the way to sobriety. There are hundreds of podcasts, books and articles about people who feel the same way.

AA is just one path on the journey. Look for the path that works for you.

And remember, not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Not everyone who can control their drinking isn’t.