Category: Dark Nights of The Soul

I drank because I had the most amazing, beautiful life.

I drank because I had the most supportive partner one could ever ask for.

I drank because I had a mother who loved me unconditionally.

I drank because I had a beautiful home, a good job, and a God-given talent for writing.

I drank because, despite having all those things and so much more, I was spiritually depleted.

I drank because I was trying to make my way back to me, but the work involved was too hard.

I drank because distracting myself with the easy fix alcohol gave me was easier than the spiritual work required to find myself again.

I drank because those who loved me had begun to notice something was going on with me.

I drank because hiding my feelings and pretending everything was OK was no longer a solution but a cry for help.

I drank until I realized I didn’t have an outside problem. I had an inside problem.

And I couldn’t fix inside problems with outside solutions.

The type of spirits I was using to fill my spiritual void would only deepen it.

Once I realized that — once I focused on what was making me drink instead of the drinking itself — I stopped cold turkey.

It was as if a light switch flipped inside my head and illuminated everything I’d been ignoring — all the blessings I’d had all along but had been too blind to notice.

Today, those blessings are still there. But I will never again risk losing them to alcohol’s temporary “solution.”

Do I miss the quick-fix feelings that alcohol gave me? I don’t. Because the permanent solution replaced the temporary one.

Has the inside work gotten any easier? Sometimes yes, other times not so much.

But it’s much easier doing the inside work with a clear mind than while nursing a hangover of regret because I drank too much the night before.

What about you?

How much is too much for you? Only you can answer that question.

Try it. Do the inside work while sober. Stick with it. I promise you a breakthrough will come.

And when that happens, alcohol’s fleeting relief will seem utterly insignificant.